When you're traveling, do not eat what is readily available in your home country. Try out local delicacies, be adventurous. This kind of thinking is brought back in Lead Character's mind upon finding out that McDonald's Philippines is now offering the McSpicy chicken burger.
Right after watching Man of Steel, Lead Character and friends go straight to the nearest McDonald's to order, to taste once again, the aggressive kick that McSpicy chicken burger offers. After the first bite, Lead Character bows his head low and bursts into tears. Not quite as spicy as when he first tasted it....
FLASHBACK:
SUPERS: Singapore, May 2011
Lead Character and friends are exhausted after partying in Clarke Quay. They drop by McDonald's to grab something to eat. Lead Character doesn't order anything, still quite full and already sleepy. In a few hours, they'll be on a bus to Malaysia.
LEAD CHARACTER (lips pointing to his friend's food): NonFacebooker, that doesn't look like anything they offer in the Philippines.
NONFACEBOOKER: OMG, it's really good. It's spicy chicken burger, nom nom aahhh nom.
LEAD CHARACTER: May I have a bite?
NONFACEBOOKER: Sure, sure.
LEAD CHARACTER: Nom nom aaahh it's really spicy aaahh.
LEAD CHARACTER makes a mental note to order a whole burger for himself next time.
SUPERS: Two days later....
Finally, Lead Character gets a whole burger for himself. It's nighttime. The next day they're going to Universal Studios.
LEAD CHARACTER: Nom nom aahh wow it's really spicy.
Beads of sweat the size of ganglion cysts are dripping from Lead Character's forehead. It looks like he's in the shower crying after getting raped by women.
LEAD CHARACTER: Nom nom OMG this is too much I love it nom nom.
SUPERS: The next day....
There's an unsettling sound coming from Lead Character's belly, like something out of a disaster movie, something that portends mass destruction, like some evil monster about to destroy an entire city. Lead Character runs to the toilet.
LEAD CHARACTER: Mon mon mon (Get it? The opposite of 'nom nom nom.' Or perhaps that gives the impression Lead Character is throwing up? No, Lead Character is not throwing up.) Jesus H. Christ! What is happening?
It feels like Lead Character is shitting a mix of razorblades and barbed wire. And because there's a dozen of them and only one bathroom, Lead Character finishes quickly.
SUPERS: An hour later....
At the MRT station, Lead Character hears that portentous sound again coming from his belly. This time, it's not just auditory, it's sensational!
LEAD CHARACTER (to his friends): Guys, I'm really sorry, but I need to drop my kids off at the pool again.
Concerned with the tortured look on Lead Character's face, his friends tell him yes, they still have time, he can drop his kids off at the pool if it's really necessary. So off Lead Character goes to the public toilet.
There's only him, another guy, and a woman wearing a uniform, presumably the CLEANING LADY, 70s. Lead Character picks a stall. Normally, he waits for everyone to leave the public restroom before he drops his kids off. But this is not a normal time. So off his kids go, still feeling like razorblades and barbed wire, and this time, compounded by what feels like rock salt over an open wound. Lead Character is tempted to scream.
There's a knock on the stall door.
LEAD CHARACTER: There's someone here....
CLEANING LADY: (Something in Mandarin)
LEAD CHARACTER: Wait....
CLEANING LADY: (Something in angry Mandarin, and she's now pounding on the door)
LEAD CHARACTER: Wait... wait....
CLEANING LADY: (Livid Mandarin, more pounding on the door.)
Lead Character hurries. He wipes himself clean, or so he thinks, and steps out. Cleaning Lady is looking at him angrily. She's already had the main door locked. She unlocks it and shows Lead Character out. Lead Character gives her an apologetic stare with his head low.
Whatever Cleaning Lady was after, Lead Character will never know. Lead Character suspects she just wants to be alone while cleaning the facilities.
Lead Character's FRIENDS: So, you're all good?
LEAD CHARACTER (shaking his head): I can't promise.
When they reach Universal Studios, Lead Character feels the monster in his belly again.
LEAD CHARACTER (pleading look): Guys... I'm really sorry.
One of Lead Character's friends, KIYLI MINOGUE, male, late 20s, laughs.
KIYLI MINOGUE: Hemorrhoids! You have hemorrhoids if it hurts that much!
Lead Character feels like crying. How can he possibly get on a roller coaster if he has hemorrhoids?
Thankfully, Lead Character doesn't have hemorrhoids. His third time dropping the kids off at the pool kills the monster off. Lead Character feels free, not as a bird, but as something who just dropped the final blast of spicy shit after hours of torment.
For Lead Character, it's the best day of his life. And with the weakened spiciness of McSpicy chicken burger in the Philippines, Lead Character is disappointed knowing he may never experience that day again. After everything he's been through, Lead Character realizes that the best thing on earth is not love, or money, or friendship, or family. The best thing on earth is the feeling of relief.
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| The look of relief on Lead Character's face. |
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