Grammar Weekly - Lay or Lie?

"Lay" and "lie" are tricky words, in that they get confusing because of their past tense and past participle forms.

Here, we end the confusion once and for all using, as per ushe, sexually explicit examples to keep things interesting.

First, let's discuss the difference between lay and lie.

• Lay is a transitive (meaning it involves a direct object) verb that means "to put or set down."
  E.g., Lay the used condom on the floor to freak out your roommates.
  
• Lie is an intransitive (meaning it does not involve anything or anyone to act on) verb that means "to be or to stay at rest in a horizontal position."
  E.g., Lie down, bitch, and relax your ass because this is one hell of a fist!

Now that you're more confident in the use of "lay" and "lie," let's get to the trickier part: their past tense forms.

• Lay in past tense is laid.
  Incorrect: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I lay there last night.
  Correct: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I laid there last night.
  
• Lie in past tense is lay.
  Incorrect: He laid there all morning because his ass was sore.
  Correct: He lay there all morning because his ass was sore.

Not too bad, isn't it? You now think you're going to impress your date when you use "lay" and "lie" in their past tense forms perfectly, don't you? Well, not too fast. We still have the past participles to discuss.

• Lay in past participle form, just like its past tense, is laid.
  E.g., I should not have laid the used condom on the floor for everyone to see because my disgusted roommates repaid my prank by having me eat it.
• Lie in past participle form is lain.
  E.g., I would have lain in bed all day if not for your text message asking me to take you to the hospital, you cheating fist-slut!

Sources:
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000233.htm
http://www.webster.com

Grammar Weekly - Squinting Modifiers

It's time again for another segment of Grammar Weekly. Lead Character's friend, Punky, encouraged him to keep at it because of its importance. Hence this.

Our topic for today is all about modifiers, and how they sometimes squint in a sentence.

To refresh your memory, modifiers are what you add in your sentence to add details to an otherwise bland statement. It's the seasoning on your meat, they're the spices that make plain vinegar pinakurat, the wattle that completes your double chin. . .you get the drift, right? Simply put, they're the adjectives and adverbs in your sentences.

As an adjective: The man who can't be moved just waits in the corner.

As an adverb: He just stands there like he can't be moved.

Now, what happens when modifiers squint?

When a modifier squints, it would seem like it's modifying either the subject preceding or succeeding it, as is in the following example:

"Masturbating often causes clear skin."

Now, that sentence is clearly ambiguous (clearly ambiguous, ha! Could I be any more ironic?), and would confuse a lot of masturbators. Is it when they regularly masturbate that they get clear skin? Or does the act of masturbation itself cause clear skin most of the time? If your sentence offers the same ambiguity, you need to fix your modifier.

And that's it for now. Next week, if I see another post on Facebook about people having a "pictorial," I will discuss the difference between a pictorial and a photo shoot IN ALL FRICKIN' CAPS!!!

But for now, if you want to read up more about modifiers, and how they not only squint, but dangle and get misplaced sometimes, click here.

Grammar Weekly - Toward or Towards? That Is the Question....

This segment shouldn't be called Grammar Weekly anymore, but rather, Grammar Sporadically. But because I don't really care what's right or wrong, I'm sticking with Grammar Weekly as it's more promising of something sooner, rather than something uncertain.

So our problem for this week is the use of toward and towards. When do we use one and when do we use the other? The answer is: it's still a mystery. There haven't been any concrete and self-confident claims regarding the usage of both words. But popular opinion maintains that toward is more American English, whilst towards is more British English.

Since we're in the Philippines, just use towards when speaking with an American so you can seem more foreign than necessary.

Until the next sporadic episode!

xoxo
Lead Character

One of the many sources looked up online:
http://tenser.typepad.com/tenser_said_the_tensor/2004/05/toward_and_towa.html

Grammar Weekly - Quotation Marks

While on a cab, Lead Character and his friends engaged in an argument regarding proper punctuation when quotation marks are involved. The argument was inspired by an email trail started by Lead Character's Canada-based friend DropDeadGorgeous, who inquired about the particular subject matter. Lead Character and his friends never did find closure for their argument, because his friends didn't believe him when he said that periods are always inside quotation marks, even with a novel to back him up. Now armed with references, Lead Character would like to impart the following facts:

Commas and periods are always inside quotation marks, no matter how logic dictates it.

"Dirty Sexy Money," "Fringe," "True Blood," and "Gossip Girl" are a few of the TV shows that Lead Character enjoys watching these days.

"I regret always coming in late for my Stat 102 classes," Lead Character said.

Lead Character is currently training himself to be "vegetarian."

Question marks and exclamation points are placed as per logic.

Is Lead Character serious about his ambition to turn "vegetarian"?

It can't be! He's a frickin' "carnivore"!

Please note that these rules are American English. If you want to write the British-English way, that's your problem.

References:
"Elements of Style," by William Strunk and E.B. White
http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/quotes.asp
http://www.whitesmoke.com/punctuation-quotation-marks-titles-conventions.html