Lead Characterisms

Over the years, Lead Character has let go of some of the wisest pieces of advice for his friends. He’s never documented any of them, but he realizes now that it’s about time that he does.

Lead Characterism can be a movement, much like Ayn Rand’s Objectivism. And no, this isn’t entirely narcissistic as Lead Characterism does not have to be about Lead Character himself, but to anyone who wants to be the lead character in the movie of their lives. Lead Character has met hundreds of people. The 434 friends in his Facebook profile is but a pinch. There’s probably 20 more that haven’t added him up yet. And of those 454 people that he’s met in his entire lifetime, only a handful has shown that they are lead characters. Just like Lead Character, most people just do not have the balls to be in the spotlight and just settle for being sidekicks or (gasp!) extras.

So do not be a sidekick or an (gasp!) extra anymore. Learn from Lead Character.

• Physics and Calculus have opposing definitions when it comes to Love. In Physics, Love is like Energy; it can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transferred. In Calculus, Love = DNE. It would make sense for Lead Character to go with Calculus. Because with Calculus, it would follow that Pain = DNE. Because think about it. What happens when you lose Energy? You get backlogs at work!
• In a post-apocalyptic world, the only useful people are doctors, architects, carpenters, farmers, and scientists. But perhaps during idle time while rebuilding society, performers, especially comedians, will come in handy. Athletes will be very useful, too, but not as athletes. The scary part is that, for sure, politicians will still push for themselves as important.
• There is no such thing as pre-marital sex if you do not intend to or cannot get married. For some, it's simply pre-dinner, or pre-2012. Hopefully, though, not pre-school or postmortem.
• It is fine to be stuck in the past, just not physically.
• In Third World culinary, white vinegar and Sprite can be substitute for white wine.
• If someone steals your cell phone, steal it right back.
• If you let the cat out of the bag, be prepared for it to go “meow!”
• Do not let a tiger out of the bag. Never!
• Lesbians are fun to hang out with.
• Cameron Diaz is annoying.
• What looks like a wart can be a tumor all along. Do not attempt to cauterize it with Lion-Tiger katol. Consult your doctor.
• When you have no sense of direction, the less things upset you.
• There’s no such thing as living in the moment. You can be having fun with your friends, seemingly enjoying yourself, but there’s always that thing hovering about you that you cannot get rid of: it could be issues at home, an ex you still can’t get over, or an ingrown nail.
• Find humor in your heartache and you’ll be fine.

That’s all that Lead Character can remember for now. Until next time!

No Other Woman (2011)

A former American boss Lead Character had once said: "Cover your ears, Lead Character, because you are not going to like what I am about to say." Then he turned to his colleague. "So many people here cheat. Cheating is like an epidemic in this country."

Lead Character squirmed in his seat. He didn't quite get why his boss would say such a thing, when in the U.S., their former President, while in office, was caught sticking his dick in an intern's mouth.

Thankfully, the colleague answered: "But it's not just here. Cheating is everywhere."

Right on! But the bigger challenge may be here in the Philippines, because when a spouse cheats, you do not have the option to divorce. So how Filipinos handle infidelity is not so much as easy as handling it in the U.S., where you can just threaten your spouse of taking everything he/she's got.

Such challenge is portrayed admirably in the movie No Other Woman, directed by Ruel S. Bayani, written by Kris Gazmen, Jay Fernando, and Keiko Aquino. Admirable because everything is so hammy right off the bat it's hardly real life. The very first scene finds Cara (Anne Curtis) emerging from the water as if she were in a canned tuna commercial. She just walks towards the shore with brazen sexuality, without even tilting her head repeatedly to get seawater off her ear. And that's how Lead Character found the movie admirable. They could have taken themselves too seriously and Lead Character would have puked inside the theater. Instead, it was done with a kind of self-ridicule that Lead Character is not unfamiliar with.

The series of banters between the mistress, Cara, and the wife, Sharmaine (Christine Reyes), is an instant classic. Mistresses and wives in real life will now have something to say to each other without having to go on an all-out catfight. They will now settle with sarcasm, with repressed rage pulsing desperately to erupt. Instead of talking about their husbands directly, they will use designer bags as an allusion to their men.

Lead Character cannot blame the long line at the theaters on the movie's opening day. The trailer was deemed one of the best everyone has seen in recent years. The last movie trailer that affected Lead Character so much was the one for I Am Sam (2001), only to get disappointed upon watching the movie itself. But No Other Woman did not disappoint. Its trailer really was just the tip of the iceberg. The movie contained more classic banters between Cara and Sharmaine that one could hope for, and even more memorable lines from Sharmaine's mother (Carmi Martin), that despite Lead Character's plan of sleeping through the movie, he stayed up the whole time.

When the husband, Ram (Derek Ramsay), was caught with a hickey on his neck, he just maintained that he was stung by a jellyfish. So Sharmaine's mother commented: "Ganyan talaga pag galing sa makakating dikya. . .nagmamarka." ("That's how it is if it comes from itchy jellyfish. . .it leaves a mark.")

Who the hell can sleep through that?

Seriously, No Other Woman is that fun. So fun that you don't want it to end, especially that it has a lazy ending. Because the writers probably ran out of ideas on how to end the story properly, they relied on the best way to resolve problems: a life-threatening vehicular accident.

Yes, that's a spoiler. Ram gets into a car accident, forcing Cara to back away and Sharmaine to forgive her husband.

So to sum everything up: it's a fun movie, but you already know the ending, so don't watch it.

Rakenrol (2011)

Rakenrol by Quark Henares is one of those movies that, after watching, makes you just want to head on home and write a scathing review of.

Lead Character was a fan of Quark Henares's writing. He has a friend who went to Ateneo for college and used to give Lead Character copies of Heights, the literary portfolio of their school. Quark Henares had short stories there that stood out. Lead Character felt that this young helmer had huge potential in defining a generation through films. When Quark Henares came out with Gamitan (2002), Lead Character was excited, but was ultimately disappointed. He thought Rakenrol would change all that, hoping that it would be our answer to Almost Famous.

Not. A. Chance.

What would have made the film better was if the fictional band in there, Hapipaks, were actually good. But they weren't. The lead vocalist, Irene, played by Glaiza de Castro, sang like Dina Bonnevie back when she had a career in music. And their songs were--for lack of better word--bleh. It's sacrilegious because they got cameos from Sugarfree and Ely Buendia, and they should have been in better movies.

The only good things about the movie were the character Jacci Rocha (Diether Ocampo), who was hilarious, and Mo (Ketchup Eusebio), who was the only one who could convince us that he's in a rock band. And well, yeah, Alwyn Uytingco's gorgeous face.

That being said, if you want to waste your time watching some pretentious, pseudo-rock movie horseshit, watch Rakenrol. Otherwise, just watch Zombadings again.

Lead Character Answers Miss Universe 2011 Questions

If you could trade lives with anyone in history, who would it be and why?

Boa noite, Brasil!

I would trade lives with Adolf Hitler.

Just kidding! But you should see the look on your faces.

Would you change your religious beliefs to marry the person you love? Why and why not?

I do not have any religious beliefs to change, because I do not believe in religion. I'd say that I do not believe in God, but I already ruined your night when I said I'd trade lives with Adolf Hitler, so I'll just keep that to myself. Also, I cannot marry the person that I love because it is not allowed in my country, or in most parts of the world, for that matter.

Obrigado, Brasil!

Nude beaches are common in some parts of the country. Is public nudity appropriate or inappropriate and why?

I like even tans, right down to the ass.

Obrigado por ter me, Brasil!

What would you do to avoid fighting a war that you did not agree with?

Just act busy.

Olá, Brasil! Como você está fazendo?

If you could change one of your physical characteristics, which one would it be and why?

I'd love for my teeth to be smaller.

Você está bem, o Brasil?

Grammar Weekly - Lay or Lie?

"Lay" and "lie" are tricky words, in that they get confusing because of their past tense and past participle forms.

Here, we end the confusion once and for all using, as per ushe, sexually explicit examples to keep things interesting.

First, let's discuss the difference between lay and lie.

• Lay is a transitive (meaning it involves a direct object) verb that means "to put or set down."
  E.g., Lay the used condom on the floor to freak out your roommates.
  
• Lie is an intransitive (meaning it does not involve anything or anyone to act on) verb that means "to be or to stay at rest in a horizontal position."
  E.g., Lie down, bitch, and relax your ass because this is one hell of a fist!

Now that you're more confident in the use of "lay" and "lie," let's get to the trickier part: their past tense forms.

• Lay in past tense is laid.
  Incorrect: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I lay there last night.
  Correct: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I laid there last night.
  
• Lie in past tense is lay.
  Incorrect: He laid there all morning because his ass was sore.
  Correct: He lay there all morning because his ass was sore.

Not too bad, isn't it? You now think you're going to impress your date when you use "lay" and "lie" in their past tense forms perfectly, don't you? Well, not too fast. We still have the past participles to discuss.

• Lay in past participle form, just like its past tense, is laid.
  E.g., I should not have laid the used condom on the floor for everyone to see because my disgusted roommates repaid my prank by having me eat it.
• Lie in past participle form is lain.
  E.g., I would have lain in bed all day if not for your text message asking me to take you to the hospital, you cheating fist-slut!

Sources:
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000233.htm
http://www.webster.com

10 Things About "Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington"

1. Writers (Jade Castro, Michiko Yamamoto, Raymond Lee) of mostly tearjerker films (Endo, Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Magnifico, Anak, Milan) collaborated to come up with this hysterical comedy.
2. Funniest bit: Daniel Fernando's character giving an impassioned speech on why he hates gays.
3. Martin Escudero (the guy who plays Remington) has gorgeous eyes.
4. Kerbie Zamora (the guy who plays Remington's best friend) is crazy hot.
5. Lead Character needs to procure a similar hairdryer-shaped gaydar.
6. Almost everyone in the audience thinks guy-on-guy action is hilarious, especially between straight male best friends. Lead Character just sank in his seat, hoping it would turn pornographic, much to his dismay.
7. John Regala is the Ray Liotta of the Philippines.
8. This movie deserves more than one viewing. There are just a handful of subtle but funny bits that you could miss if you don't pay enough attention to the entire screen.
9. 'Ang Babae sa Septic Tank' is funnier and much more cohesive, not that a comparison is necessary.
10. This needs a wide international release, especially in North America. The challenge is how to make swardspeak subtitles as funny as they're supposed to be. The title alone is quite difficult to translate into English. Lead Character proposes the following: "Zombiatches 1: Scare the Living Gaylights Out of Remington." (OK, that probably wouldn't work. Any ideas?)

How Lead Character Lost His Fifth Cell Phone

Season 2 Episode 12
(Season 2 Finale)

Lead Character is drunk again. After two pitchers of Blue Imagination, a strong yet tasty concoction from Karaoke5 (a karaoke hangout), Lead Character’s world starts spinning. And with its spinning comes the carnal desire to shuffle on the dance floor. So after an engrossing discussion on love, sex, books, and fecal matter with most of the usual guest stars—JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, Jorit, Beaj—Lead Character decides it’s time to head off to Twelve, a tiny, suffocating bar that Lead Character and other phallus enthusiasts frequent. Of course, JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, and Jorit are not big on phalluses (or is it phalli?), so he goes there instead with Beaj, picking up BobbinThread, another phallus fan, along the way.

Lead Character admires BobbinThread in superlative magnitude. Several months ago, BobbinThread quit a high-paying job in financial services to pursue his passion in fashion design. He just dropped everything, went to fashion school, then came back and opened his own shop. Now he's dressing up people and life couldn't be more thrilling for him. To quote a line from the movie Jerry Maguire: "That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there." Lead Character feels that unlike BobbinThread, he still has his balls tucked between his legs, and they're tiny.

After hours of sweating their armpits off, Beaj decides it’s time to head on home, leaving BobbinThread and Lead Character to reign over the dance floor all by themselves.

BOBBINTHREAD: I am sooo drunk right now. . .

LEAD CHARACTER: Me, too!

BOBBINTHREAD: . . .sooo drunk, because it's the only manageable thing to be right now.

Lead Character nods in agreement, because if he were in BobbinThread’s shoes, he’d prefer to be in a drunken state as well.

(Flashback: Five hours earlier. . .Lead Character receives a text message from BobbinThread.

“My father only has three months to live, maximum. He needs chemotherapy ASAP.”

Lead Character doesn’t know how to react to the message. He knows no words could ever save BobbinThread’s dad from cancer. All he can really do at this point is just be there for his friend.)

BobbinThread grabs a guy to dance with Lead Character, who immediately obliges. A couple of guys, one in a GRAY SHIRT and another in RED, pass by. Lead Character grabs them to dance with a young white man who’s been dancing all by himself. After a few minutes, GRAY SHIRT and RED free themselves from the white man.

BOBBINTHREAD: I like the guy in red.

LEAD CHARACTER: I like the guy in red for you.

A couple of hours later, BobbinThread and LeadCharacter find themselves outside Twelve, physically exhausted but still high in spirit. Palermo, the bar right next to Twelve, is a fun one. It’s infested with whores who only respond to foreigners, so the underappreciated locals tend to enjoy the attention they get from phallus enthusiasts.

LEAD CHARACTER: Let’s get in there!

BOBBINTHREAD: Let’s!

As they head into the next bar, they notice that GRAY SHIRT and RED are right in front of them.

BOBBINTHREAD: It’s RED! I want to dance with him!

LEAD CHARACTER: In that case, I’m having GRAY SHIRT!

So off they go dancing with the guys. Lead Character makes a bold move and pulls GRAY SHIRT closer towards him. GRAY SHIRT happily grinds with Lead Character.

LEAD CHARACTER (V.O.): Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!

Just then, GRAY SHIRT pulls himself away from Lead Character and grabs RED with him. They start off to leave. Squinting at the two young men, Lead Character runs his hands on his pockets. His phone is gone.

So that’s it, just like that, Lead Character loses his fifth cell phone. He also lost a couple of his first four cell phones in a similar manner. Lead Character decides he’s not going to have any of it anymore; he has got to grow some balls!

He runs and catches up with GRAY SHIRT, hugging him from behind. Lead Character feels GRAY SHIRT’S pants pocket. It’s definitely his cellphone in there. Katy Perry’s “Firework” blares through the speakers as Lead Character fishes his phone out.

LEAD CHARACTER (cheerfully): Hey! You have my cellphone!

GRAY SHIRT ignores Lead Character and just continues walking away, nervously tailing his friend.

And just like that, Lead Character loses his cell phone, but gets it back immediately using, for what seems like the first time, a pair of balls. If there’s anything worth noting about life, it’s that it is short. One moment it’s your first day at school gaining new friends, the next you’re years beyond college life trying to stay afloat in various ways, because the older you get, the more you have things bringing you down—you have another friend who might be burying his parent soon, and you have a dead-end job to always go back to after your highly anticipated drunken weekends. So it all boils down to which side of the fence you want to end up on—the fucker side or the fucked.

Lead Character, props to him, chose the badass freakfucker side tonight.

Grammar Weekly - Squinting Modifiers

It's time again for another segment of Grammar Weekly. Lead Character's friend, Punky, encouraged him to keep at it because of its importance. Hence this.

Our topic for today is all about modifiers, and how they sometimes squint in a sentence.

To refresh your memory, modifiers are what you add in your sentence to add details to an otherwise bland statement. It's the seasoning on your meat, they're the spices that make plain vinegar pinakurat, the wattle that completes your double chin. . .you get the drift, right? Simply put, they're the adjectives and adverbs in your sentences.

As an adjective: The man who can't be moved just waits in the corner.

As an adverb: He just stands there like he can't be moved.

Now, what happens when modifiers squint?

When a modifier squints, it would seem like it's modifying either the subject preceding or succeeding it, as is in the following example:

"Masturbating often causes clear skin."

Now, that sentence is clearly ambiguous (clearly ambiguous, ha! Could I be any more ironic?), and would confuse a lot of masturbators. Is it when they regularly masturbate that they get clear skin? Or does the act of masturbation itself cause clear skin most of the time? If your sentence offers the same ambiguity, you need to fix your modifier.

And that's it for now. Next week, if I see another post on Facebook about people having a "pictorial," I will discuss the difference between a pictorial and a photo shoot IN ALL FRICKIN' CAPS!!!

But for now, if you want to read up more about modifiers, and how they not only squint, but dangle and get misplaced sometimes, click here.

Lead Character Likes It Creamy

(Season 2, Episode 11 - Finally, after a long hiatus)

Carbonara, in case you were thinking of something bodily. Lead Character doesn't like the real carbonara, which is dry. Gladly, most cafes he's been to serve their carbonara creamy. He's only been to one restaurant that served authentic carbonara, and he couldn't finish it. It was at Vue, a pretty little place at the Cebu Yacht Club, and while their other dishes were phenomenal, Lead Character had trouble downing their penne pasta carbonara.

So today, after work, Lead Character decides to make himself creamy carbonara, grabbing the recipe from pinoyfoodblog. He'd made the same carbonara last Christmas, but he wasn't able to release the entire affair as an episode because his brother deleted the photos he took of the undertaking.

It's actually supposed to be potato wedges for today, but after a prior attempt that involved their oven exploding in front of his face, making him, his mother, and his aunt yelp like helpless little girls, Lead Character decided to steer clear of baking for now.

The ingredients:

Lead Character decides not to follow pinoyfoodblog completely. Instead of the suggested Spinach Fettuccine, he picks 400g of regular spaghetti. The reason? Budget constraints. He also doesn't bother with the nutmeg. Since he had parsley flakes from his attempt at potato wedges, he decides that will make for a proper replacement. Of course there's 2 cans of Cream of Mushroom, 250ml All Purpose Cream, 1 head of garlic, olive oil, and a cup of instant Korean noodles. Why the Korean noodles, you ask? Well, it's in case Lead Character screws up the sauce and pasta and gets too hungry to cook another batch. Not appearing in the photo are parmesan cheese and the generally needed salt and pepper.

As Lead Character starts cooking the pasta, a major problem arises. The flame doesn't get high enough to boil water. He's already salted it and mixed with drips of olive oil so the pasta won't stick, but it never boils. An hour into it, out of desperation and impatience, Lead Character drops the pasta. And this is where the cup of Korean noodles becomes the hero. Already hungry, Lead Character decides it's time to devour a whole cup.

Surprisingly, the pasta cooks al dente, after almost half an hour of swimming in simmering water. But the real challenge now is preparing the sauce. The flame is just not high enough to cook the meat. Lead Character calls up his mother but she doesn't believe him that their stove might be broken once again.

Lead Character's aunt comes to the rescue. He sees her boiling water in her teeny weeny dirty kitchen, so he pleads for him to cook there. She lets him.

The rest of the cooking goes a lot smoother and faster this time. The end result is a carbonara sauce whose consistency is very much to Lead Character's liking.

Serving suggestion:

Top with parmesan cheese on a cafeteria type of plate to make the dish even more ravishing. See? See?

And now the real challenge: eating the thing. Lead Character thinks it is not that bad. Lead Character's sister likes it better than the one he made last Christmas. Unfortunately, after a while, it does get really. . .I'm having trouble picking the English word for it. . .but in Cebuano the word is ngilngig. . .and the only word I can come up with off the top of my head is. . .Schwarzeneggerey. Yes, after a while, Lead Character's ideal creamy carbonara gets really Schwarzeneggerey.

If You Ever Plan on Going to Camsur. . .

Do not book your flight with AirPhil. I repeat, do not book your flight with AirPhil.

Months ago, JabberedOnion found online that AirPhil was having promo fares for flights to different domestic destinations. She immediately notified Lead Character and the rest of the gang about it so they can have another group vacation after their super-awesome Pinatubo adventure. Their choice of destination: Camarines Sur--to try out wakeboarding at the Camsur Watersports Complex and island hopping on the relatively undiscovered Caramoan Islands.

Their outgoing flight was supposed to be from Cebu to Naga City and ingoing from Naga City to Cebu, all direct. But a day before their scheduled flight, NonFacebooker found out from a coworker that all direct AirPhil flights between Cebu and Naga have been cancelled. Immediately, NonFacebooker notified Lead Character to have this confirmed. Conferencing in NonFacebooker to the call Lead Character placed with AirPhil customer service, they found out that this is true, and that their flight had been re-routed from Cebu to Manila, Manila to Legaspi City, a good two hours away from Naga City. Same goes for their return flight: Legaspi City, Manila, and then Cebu. Lead Character's eyes popped out from their sockets. This just cannot be happening! With all the traveling they'd be doing then, they'd be required to get up at two in the morning just to catch their flights. The bigger trouble is that from Caramoan, the boat ride to the port is more than an hour, and boats aren't even available whenever they want. And the most distressing thing was that all flights to and from Naga City were already full.

To make the long story short, it took for Lead Character's phone bill to go up to Php2,500 and a couple of stops at AirPhil offices just to make it possible for them to switch their airport back to Naga City. They didn't mind the connecting flights, what worried them was the re-route to Legaspi, which would just ruin a long-awaited vacation.

The only good thing about AirPhil was the customer service rep they spoke with, Kathy (or probably her name was with a C). Even if Lead Character and NonFacebooker were already pissed about the situation, taking no for an answer and almost yelling, Kathy remained her calm and made it possible for them to be able to switch airports.

Win Backstage Passes to the Bruno Mars Concert!

Today, I'm a Tech Guy, But

Back in the days,
I worked full-time
catching grasshoppers.

They were never hard
to catch. I wondered sometimes
what good it did them,
the power kicks that soared
them through the air,
only to have them slam
head-first into the
palm of my hand.

I would drop them
in clear plastic bags
then join my colleagues
for a late lunch
at the sapodilla forest
where we climbed trees
as high as our guts took us.

We could never enjoy
a full meal.
After a bite or two,
our neighbor would come
storming out of his house,
stick in hand.

One by one, we would
jump out onto the
naked ground, plastic
bags in our fists,
kicking hard on the
field of wet grass,
hopping, soaring,

summer wind against
our laughing faces.

The Rebecca Black Argument

This is the song that could beat Justin Bieber's "Baby" to a pulp. "Friday" by Rebecca Black has already reached over 3 million views on YouTube in just over a month. Everyone who's listened to the song and watched the video agree on one thing: it has kick-ass lyrics.

Perhaps reminiscent of how Alanis Morissette took the world by storm back in the '90s with a bold confession of going down on her boyfriend in a theater, Rebecca Black courageously expresses a personal indecision: "Kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, gotta make my mind up: which seat can I take?" This is perhaps Black's way of flipping off "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones with the implication that you don't always know what you want.

But reaching a different kind of level that other artists could only wish for is the kind of mystery that Black presents. She sings: "I got this, you got this. My friend is by my right, eh!" On the video, there is another girl by her left. Who is she? Is she just an acquaintance? A distant cousin she just met?

That is not the only mysterious thing in her song, though. When she sings "Fun, fun, fun, fun," it is delivered in a such a way that makes you question: "Is she really having fun? Or is she giving us an entirely different message that only a few can decode?"

And then we get to the bridge. We are reminded of how James Blunt repeatedly argues "You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true." Well, Mr. Blunt, your argument is weak. We do not know who you're singing to. For all we know she could be ugly. But Ms. Rebecca Black here gives us an argument no one can refute: "Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday. . .tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards." No matter how you look at it, that is the correct order of days.

"Win Our Hearts" Winner

This is two days belated but Lead Character would like to congratulate "me!" aka Timothy Flores for winning the "Win Our Hearts" contest with 50% of the votes for this magical entry:

Congratulations!

Since you're in Vancouver, you cannot really enjoy the prize of 2 movie tickets at SM Cinema, so feel free to award it to anyone in the Philippines. Just post in the comments section below who you want to transfer it to, and his/her Philippine mobile # (I will not publish it).

Of course, if you do not transfer it to anyone, you can enjoy it whenever you're here.

Congratulations again. You deserve it!

"Win Our Hearts" Contests - The Final Showdown

Lead Character would like to thank those who participated in this very inspired contest. Even with just four entries, Lead Character feels they're enough to make hearts skip a beat or two.

To read all four entries and to vote for your favorite, click here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

UPDATE (2/26/2010): I will be putting the entries up for votation on Facebok on February 28th, 2010, 8PM. After a week, I will be announcing the winner. As my apology for the delay, I will allow the winner to pick an IMAX or 3D movie for his/her prize.

Anyone can still submit entries until February 28th. :)

---------------

Since it's already Valentine's Day, Lead Character figures he'd feature the two valid entries from his "Win Our Hearts" contest.

These are magical words that truly celebrate this day.

From tryitonce!:

I’m Yours

Know that the song you gave me will be the standard by which future notes, melodies, and rhythms will be judged…

Know that my eventual emaciation is borne of the fact that food has lost its taste because I cannot dine with you…

Know that drink will continue to be of no value unless we are toasting each other…

Know that my past intimacies with others have, in hindsight, become pathetic and spiteful comparisons to the smidgen of physical affection you granted me…

Know that all conversations I will now deem trivial in the light of the simplest greetings from you…

And know that while you shun and turn away from me, I will take each act as acknowledgement of my existence, that you know I’m here.

I miss you.

Until that day when we are free from what bars us from being together – the distance, OUR convictions, the eyes of those who are hasty to pass-on judgment – I will wait…

Until such time that I will have met another who is as deserving of me as YOU…

I’m yours.

From Uh-Huh Girl, MD:

I remember how it happened. We were in the car, at the parking lot when you turned off the engine. You took my hand and said "Will you give me the chance to love you?" I went blank for a few seconds and then was able to croak out a "Yes". It's freaky actually when you've had a dream wherein the exact line was spoken and then years later, it happened. From that incident I had an inkling that you might, just MIGHT be "the one".

Then one stormy afternoon, you fell asleep. I looked at you and you had that look of a man with no worries, a man well loved by his family, friends and employees. It was priceless, and made me wonder if I could see that look again in the same lifetime. In that moment, I knew that I had to keep you. Now three years have passed, I know that you're not the type who says a lot. You have not promised me the moon, nor have you pledged me your undying love. But every time you tell me "I love you" just out of the blue, it always feels like I'm hearing it for the first time. My heart beats faster, my pupils dilate and for a moment I'm breathless. Your kisses are plain magical. Whenever you plant one on my forehead when I'm sulking or in "search and destroy" mode, I just forget and let things slide. Whenever I'm with you, everything seems to be at the right place and time.

I'm not just in love with you, I'm enamored and enthralled... to the point that I want you to change my name, and I would gladly pack my bags and leave my beloved Cebu just to be with you. After all, you are my home.

If you think you can express love or infatuation just as well as they have, feel free to join the contest. Just post in the comments section below whatever you wish to say to that special person in your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

"Win Our Hearts!" Contest

After the dismal ending to Love and Other Drugs (in Lead Character's humble opinion), Lead Character cannot help but wonder if perhaps there's someone out there who is capable of delivering a big romantic speech that can win anyone over in a heartbeat.

Jerry Maguire in his living room speech, not knowing he's
already had his wife at hello.

Sure, it might be hard to top this:

"Our little project, our company, had a very big night. A very, very big night. But it wasn't complete. It wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete because I couldn't share it with you. I couldn't hear your voice or laugh about it with you . . . I miss . . . I miss my wife. We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You . . . complete me."

But it's not impossible to be just as romantic. After all, it wasn't only Jerry Maguire's speech that made Lead Character's heart go aflutter.

In Rumor Has It, Jennifer Aniston's character tells Mark Ruffalo's:

"I'm not here to tell you I can't live without you, because I can. It's just that I don't want to."

"Skins" characters Emily and Naomi.

Even on TV, writers have managed to make us fall in love with lines like:

"I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I want you. So be brave and want me back!"

That was Emily to Naomi on the Brit series "Skins."

In "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Spike tells Buffy:

“When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman.”

That being said, Lead Character would like to invite his readers to post in the comments section below the most romantic lines they would like to tell someone. To make it even more powerful, write something you're dying to tell a real person in your life that you either like, love, or lost and want back. Make it romantic, but not cheesy. Make it work, make it real!

But it doesn't even have to be romantic. If you're someone who has no romantic feelings for anyone, just come up with something meaningful that you'd want to tell someone special in your life. It could be something you'd want to tell either of your parents, or your best friend, or your brother, or the professor back in college who inspired you. Make them feel loved in your very own words.

Deadline of entries will be next Wednesday, February 9th Thursday, February 17th. The winning entry will be determined via Facebook likes from February 9th February 17th through February 21st.

The winning prize: two movie passes at any SM Cinema* in the country (not valid for 3D or Imax, though). And you can pick any movie on any day this month.

So what are you waiting for? Let it out!

* Of course, when I say any SM Cinema, I mean any movie tickets that can be purchased through www.smcinema.com.

It Had Me at Drugs, but Lost Me at Love

Love and Other Drugs by Edward Zwick (About Last Night..., Legends of the Fall) opens to the Spin Doctors' "Two Princes," which instantly takes us back to the '90s--Lead Character's favorite decade! (Alanis Morissette! Fiona Apple! Magnolia! Boogie Nights! Highschool acne!) Lead Character finds himself tapping his feet on the floor. If you want to take your viewers back to the '90s, you don't really need to show cassette tapes or Motorola cellphones or denim jumpers for women or Viagra; just play the frickin' music!

Starting out with a lot of promise, the movie progresses pretty deftly with solid character buildup and terrific performances from Jake Gyllenhaal and the ever reliable Anne Hathaway. Gyllenhaal's character, Jamie, is a pharmaceutical sales rep who meets Maggie (Hathaway) at her doctor's clinic. Maggie has stage 1 Parkinson's disease, which doesn't really show yet so Jamie and Maggie have all the sex they want. Unfortunately, MTRCB intervened again and mutilated all the steamy lovemaking. This isn't completely bad, though, because everytime Jake Gyllenhaal calls Anne Hathaway "Maggie," his real-life sister comes to mind.

Just like any other romantic dramedies, the drama eventually surfaces. Maggie's Parkinson's disease is real, and Jamie and Maggie are then forced to acknowledge it, which paves the way to the story's resolution. In his head, Lead Character starts to wish, "Please, don't be cliché, please, please, please...." And to his dismay, they go that exact, horrific route.

Why do they always have to do this--have one character run after the other to make a big romantic speech about why they should be together? And they expect us to swoon? Why do they feel the need to do this when they know they cannot top Jerry Maguire? Why?!

This leads Lead Character into coming up with the top romantic comedies he's seen whose endings stood out:

Say Anything..., Roman Holiday, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Break-Up, and of course, even if marketed as a horror film, Lead Character considers Lars Von Trier's The Antichrist a romantic comedy with an ending that redefined romance.

Lead Character Frenches Up His Shirt

Season 2, Episode 10

One of Lead Character's college friends, Eng, has been having his own designs printed on a shirt, just for his sake and his alone. What impresses Lead Character is how the designs, simple as they may be, are nice to look at and at the same time a very good way of expressing oneself. No, a Facebook status update is not enough. If you want to express yourself, print it on your shirt.

Eng used Japanese characters, something that not everyone in Cebu can understand. Lead Character thinks it's sly, hence he asked Eng to send him a design, one that says something offensive like "I'm a fudgepacker."

But Eng never did deliver, so Lead Character decided to make his own design instead.

The whole process hadn't been easy. Lead Character wanted a ringer T-shirt, not just any plain shirt, for his design not to look too bland. After all, his design is simply a French term in a red Ampersand font. The shop that prints out your designs for you, Transfer It! (located on the first floor of Robinson's), only had plain shirts available, so Lead Character had to search the entire city. The bigger challenge was not just to look for ringer T-shirts, but ringer T-shirts that didn't have prints on them. After hours of looking, Lead Character finally found ringer T-shirts with no prints at Giordano in Ayala.

The idea behind Lead Character's design is to go for something as sly as using Japanese characters, and with his life-long fascination with the French language, he went all out with it--something desperate, something sad.

And viola...

It's "fuck me" in French.

Note: Thanks, Chris and Chris, for teaching Lead Character useful French terms. Soixante-neuf, anyone?

You're Welcome, Uh-huh Girl, MD!

Uh-huh Girl expresses her gratitude for having won the Five Questions contest, for which the prizes were a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila and a Starbucks 2011 Planner.

A new contest will be announced soon, so stay tuned, everyone!

Ugly Fuckable and Pretty Unfuckable

Season 2 Episode 09

Joy Bee decides to treat Lead Character and friends to dinner as a post-birthday gathering. Present, as always, are JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, Madonna, and TamponRiot. On their way to the restaurant, Lead Character shares his current fascination with Kitchen Nightmares, one of the many shows headlined by Chef Gordon Ramsay. Lead Character can't quite explain it, but whenever he watches Chef Ramsay get all intense and hammy, he gets a series of tiny orgasms. TamponRiot points out that Chef Ramsay, despite not having the prettiest face, is fuckable. Chef Gordon Ramsay is an Ugly Fuckable.

Photo taken from elitechoice.org

The entire ride, as well as the ensuing dinner, is then transformed into a The View-esque discussion of the top celebrity Ugly Fuckables in recent history. Names that come up, not just coming from the mouth of Lead Character, include: Willem Dafoe (not sure if it's because of Body of Evidence, or him getting showered with hundreds of bullets in Platoon), Jack Black (fuckable, yes, but is he even really ugly?), Reese Witherspoon, Tori Spelling, Usher Raymond, Rupert Grint, Mo Twister, Jay-R, and, um, well, yeah, Manny Pacquiao, among others.

But the real challenge is coming up with those who have pretty faces, but are completely unfuckable--Pretty Unfuckables. Lead Character and friends are able to come up with a few, but the discussion here is filled with long minutes of staring at blank space trying to think of celebrities who are pretty but whom they have no desire of fucking.

There's Judy Ann Santos, who's pretty by Lead Character's standards, but inspires nothing sexual at all. Lea Salonga and Tina Fey come up, mostly because you cannot fuck goddesses. Someone suggests Kris Aquino, but it is met with protests because while she is unfuckable, she is not pretty to begin with. Jason Priestley is also suggested, but only circa "Beverly Hills 90210"; as he aged, he became more and more fuckable. Joy Bee suggests Lucy Torres and everyone agrees--all except JabberedOnion, much to everyone's bewilderment. TamponRiot brings up Ben Affleck, whose Pretty Unfuckability is supposed to be a consensus in America. Lead Character disagrees. Just like Kris Aquino, Ben Affleck is not pretty at all.

The night ends with everyone exhausted from all the eating and thinking at the same time. But they decide to do it again soon. Maybe for next dinner, they'll talk about Fuckable Politicians (Lead Character already thinks Bill Clinton and, um, well, yeah, Manny Pacquiao).


Note: You've probably been rolling your eyeballs the whole time you were reading this. In Lead Character's defense, he and his friends were talking about celebrities. Also, he and his friends are above the personalities under discussion because they are, in their own innate and inalienable right, pretty and fuckable. Wad-dup!

Black Swan (2010)

What makes Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan remarkable is that it is a mix of the best elements from his four previous movies: the complexity in Pi, the gore and horror in Requiem for a Dream, the perplexity in The Fountain, and the emotional rawness in The Wrestler. And with all those elements combined, Aronofsky has come up with what can perhaps be considered his best movie to date.

In Black Swan, Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) wins the coveted role of the Swan Queen in a production of Swan Lake by a prestigious ballet company in New York. Required of the Swan Queen role are both the exquisiteness of the White Swan and the dark sensuality of the Black Swan. However, Nina is much too exquisite, that while she is perfect as the White Swan, she has trouble transforming into the Black Swan. In comes Lily (Mila Kunis), who seems threatening enough to take away the role because of her imperfect but effortless technique.

Odd things start happening to Nina. Aside from the unexplained patch of scratched skin on her left shoulder blade, she sees on a few occasions someone who looks exactly like her on the subway, something threadlike grows on her finger, a night of drinking and drug use ends in a sleepover that may or may not have happened, and these things intensify further to shocking extents--much like how David Lynch's Mulholland Dr. went, but certainly not as confusing. By the end of the movie, everything wraps up clearly to a beautiful climax; you do not have to scratch your head and hate yourself for being stupid.

Throughout the movie, Lead Character noticed that Aronofsky employed a handful of foreshadowing and possible symbolisms in the movie--most notably the reflection shots and Nina taking off her earrings. The shots showing the characters' reflection in the mirror get fully explained towards the end, but Lead Character still cannot fully wrap his head around the earrings. Several times throughout the movie, there's apparent emphasis on Nina taking off her earrings. Is it some sort of symbolism for women transforming into something else? When a girl takes off her earrings, is she suddenly a different person on some level?

Lead Character has a friend who, after an hour's commute to visit another friend, realized that an earlobe was missing an earring. Afraid that her earrings might have been ripped from her ears along the way, she frantically reached up and felt her ears. Only then did she realize that she put on both earrings in one ear. Could this piece of true-to-life anecdote possibly be relevant to Black Swan? Do earrings really represent something to a woman?

If you have the answers, please feel free to share.

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Directed by: Darren Aronofsky
Written by: Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz, John McLaughlin
Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel

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Other movies by Darren Aronofsy: