If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 3

Season 2 Episode 07

If you're ever in Iloilo, it is a given that you should party at Smallville. Smallville is a vast stretch of road with establishments ranging from coffee shops to restos to bars that cater to economic classes A, B, C, D, E, and well, as you might have already guessed, Koreans. Lead Character learned that the A and B crowd is mostly seen at Ice, and at the area where The Venue is, as Lead Character himself witnessed. Classes C and D go to Pirates, which is where Lead Character and his friends would have definitely belonged if Smallville were in Cebu, but since they're "tourists," they first settled at Mexicana Cantina, hoping to get some shots of cheap tequila. To their dismay, Mexicana Cantina didn't serve Mojitos, leaving them with no choice but drink Jose Cuervo. It's better to go broke than never get drunk at all.

If you're ever in Iloilo, be sure you party with the people. Actually, wherever you are, always make sure you have a night allotted for partying with the local folks, to meet new friends, and really get immersed in their drunken culture. Unfortunately for Lead Character, they hung out instead with fellow Cebuanos. An old grade school friend of Joy Bee's, JP, caught up with them at Mexicana Cantina, followed by JP's friend, JR. (Guys who go by their initials. . .quite interesting. Lead Character considered for a second going by LC, but he realized people might mistake that for Lauren Conrad, and a sentence using LC referring to Lead Character might make Perez Hilton's head spin, i.e., "LC has just been spotted shopping at Tita Guapa." But we digress.)

If you're ever in Iloilo, be sure you party with the people. Lead Character can't quite stress this enough. Because aside from hanging out with fellow Cebuanos, he and his friends didn't go party with the people. They instead went karaoke at the Annex. Karaoke! Something that can be done back in Cebu with fellow Cebuanos! Dagnabbit!

Photo courtesy of JabberedOnion.

This isn't saying Lead Character didn't have fun. JP and JR were extra fun to hang out with. And the Annex, after all, served Mojitos, which was all that Lead Character and his friends ordered for the Php1,200 (consumable, 3 hours worth) that they were charged for for the private videoke room that the Annex staff described as the small room. Lead Character, however, thought it could house two non-abstaining Catholic families. JabberedOnion then contacted her friends, Rabsin and Rio, from the Cebu Bloggers Society. The result was a night full of drunken singing of duets and ambitious solos.

By the time the Annex closed, Lead Character was already out by the bushes puking nothing but bile, saliva, and throat cells, with well-dressed twentysomethings behind him laughing (at him or at something else, Lead Character will never know).

And that, ladies and gents, is how you should not spend a night out in Iloilo. Lead Character would have really preferred bumping and grinding with the people. But then again, remembering now how the night went, Lead Character remembers it was him who might have suggested they go karaoke.

Stay tuned, for there might or might not be a 4th installment.

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 2

Season 2 Episode 06

If you're ever in Iloilo, you should know that there's this charming little hotel called Highway21. Out from the main street, it seems like a sleazy motel that couples and trios (depending on your sense of adventure) check into for 2-3 hours of reckless abandon, because it seems to be secluded that way. However, once you see its facade, you'll realize it's actually for decent, fun-loving tourists.

 

After their horrendous experience at City Corporate Inn, Lead Character and friends decided to take some action. Lucky for them, Highway21 was suggested. They didn't have free wi-fi; they charge Php100 for every 24 hours, and the connection wasn't really that fast, but it was miles better than having no connection at all.

Lead Character and friends got a small room that was good for two persons only and just had an extra bed added--both for economic purposes and because Highway21 had no other rooms available.

What surprised Lead Character was the food that the hotel served. For the usual price of around Php150, you'd get huge servings--almost double, in fact. After a night out at Smallville (all the dirt will be exposed in the next installment) where they downed shots of tequila, Lead Character and friends ate the whole day. First was at 12nn. They ordered a bowl of soup that they thought was enough for one person, but turned out to be enough to feed eighteen wrestlers. They also had chicken and pork adobo and chicken curry that they couldn't finish even after their second meal at 4pm. At around 8pm, Lead Character ordered a plateful of spaghetti bolognese that had so much meat in it JabberedOnion couldn't help but dig in herself, despite her assertion that she was not hungry.

Stay tuned to find out how Lead Character and friends partied on a Saturday night in the city of love.

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 1

Season 2 Episode 05

If you're ever in Iloilo, do not check into City Corporate Inn!

Lead Character and his friends decided to fly to Iloilo for the Visayas Blogger Summit, which Lead Character hoped would improve his sitcom-blog's ratings and thereby avoid getting axed.

The only hotel they found online that had free wi-fi in the rooms at affordable rates was City Corporate Inn. But much to their dismay, the experience was horrific.

There was no Internet connection in the room. They can get into the wifi network, but Internet access was nonexistent. The person-in-charge (or whatever her job title was, as Lead Character thought at first she was the VP of Staff Members Who Do Not Love Their Jobs--she only smiled once; the rest of the time she looked like she was contemplating suicide) went up to their room to show Lead Character and his friends, JabberedOnion and Joy Bee, that she can browse on her laptop. Lead Character wasn't convinced because even his phone could not pick up the Internet connection, as well as JabberedOnion's laptop and iPhone. But as shown in previous episodes, Lead Character doesn't really have the personality to be bossy, so he kept quiet about it. Thankfully, JabberedOnion is a raving maniac when it comes to bad customer service, so she told the alleged VP of SMWDNLTJ off that the Internet was the main reason they chose their hotel. Unfortunately, the issue remained unresolved.

Another shitty thing about the room was that even if it featured a mini-fridge, it had no outlet close by to be plugged into. Joy Bee had to drag the mini-fridge right outside the bathroom, which had the only sensible electrical outlet available.

And just when you think all the terror ends there, you're wrong. Lead Character and friends couldn't find the remote control for the TV anywhere. When they asked Room Service where it was, they were simply told that they were to pay Php 200 for having lost it.

Well, isn't that just icing on the cake.

Stay tuned to find out how Lead Character and his friends found a much better hotel to stay in when you're in Iloilo.

Lead Character Is One of Those Who Can Lower Your Risks of Prostate and Testicular Cancer

Find out from this recent study:

"Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not. At the end of the study, all 600 were screened for prostate and testicular cancer. Eight tested positive for prostate cancer; six for testicular. All fourteen were from the group that did not get serviced orally by gay men."